Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
