Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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