So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
