the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
