1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
