i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
