So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
