I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
