You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
