Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
