I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
