He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
