Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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