you would pick up someone in the library
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
