My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
