it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize