get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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