We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we're making bets on your personal life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
