last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Damn victory sex feels great
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
