Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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