Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm too high and old for this...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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