Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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