You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
