Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
