I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
