I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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