so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
