Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
