I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
