the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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