You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
