I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
