ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
