and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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