I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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