Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
