Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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