guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
