My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
