Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
