at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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