it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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