You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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