Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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