I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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