Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
