Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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