but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
