5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
