He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
