Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
