That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
