My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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