and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
