It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
