in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
