did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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