my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
