In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
