mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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