nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
