Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
