Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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