i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
