you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
