do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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