Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
