Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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