There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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