i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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