im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
