i permit you to call me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
