I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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